I recently read a book 'The Kindness of Strangers: Penniless Across America' by Mike McIntyre who hitches across America penniless from San Francisco with his destination being Cape Fear.

Towards the end of his journey he wonders whether a black man in America would be able to make it as far as he'd come in the same amount of time. He hopes so. I hope so too.

During his journey he has a few experiences where he wondered whether they were sexual advances by other men. I don't recall him having too many sexual advances from women though.

But I wondered why he didn't wonder about a woman and how far she could have hitched across America without sex being demanded from her. It is likely she would get more rides but it is also likely it would have been a lot more frightening for her, and I suspect that a woman hitching would have sex demanded from her (isn't that rape?)

I know this because I am constantly being asked for sex by strangers (men). While waiting no more than a few minutes for my husband to pick me up on the Vegas strip I was asked if I was 'working' and I was wearing the usual tourist stuff, a t-shirt, jeans, nothing that yelled 'working girl'. I've been walking down a road in sweats and asked if I wanted sex. I assume men are constantly asking women for sex.

McIntyre makes some interesting points, though, and made me wonder if money is actually a way to keep our lives anonymous. Whether money is one way to prevent us being/getting involved in other people's lives. My experience is helping others really benefits us more than those who are receiving the help.

Anyway, back to men, sex and feminism, I saw this on facebook:

Of course I was dismayed.

For a start it implies all feminists are 'dumb' and the implication that 'feminists' want all women to be hooked up with a man and basically the man has no choice in the matter and finally that women's only real purpose in life is to hook up.

When I look at men I do NOT think of sex. Sorry guys. I can't speak for all women, but in general women are not there purely in case you feel like sex and to scorn in case you don't find them attractive enough. Who cares if you don't find them attractive. Why do you think your opinion is important to anyone anyway?

Did you ever think that neither of these women might find you attractive? The woman on the left is what MSM tells you to find attractive but I believe there are many men who find the woman on the right attractive too.

I don't care what you find attractive.

I don't care what you define as curvy.

Are feminists dumb? There are many feminists and really you can't generalize about us. But of course generalizing is just another way of dismissing us.

The sooner society realizes that men are optional for women, the better for everyone, just as women are optional for men. I am not saying there is anything wrong with men and women forming partnerships but it should be the individuals choice rather than an unspoken law of the universe that women must have a man.

I know someone who thinks that criticism is how you show you care. Nevertheless, they saw this picture and thought it was a good idea. What this person doesn't realize is the world is full of people who criticize. You don't have to give a damn about someone to criticize someone.

Sure, none of us are perfect. We all have things we could do better, think more clearly about, we all make mistakes, we all have faults, even and probably especially the critics.

Its often hard to hold back on a bout of criticism. But when criticizing our best friends we really need to sugarcoat our criticisms as much as possible. We usually hold back on our criticisms of acquaintances if only to be polite, and for people we don't care about on the internet, we usually shower them with criticism, like this girl who made a lame joke got told to suicide. She handled it well.

The i-ching warns that constant criticism and punishment will make people into fools especially when the punishment is public. This could also be a sign that the relationship is abusive. It lowers people's confidence.

I once scolded a friend publicly and I was deeply ashamed of myself. I knew when I did it I shouldn't have and wished there was some way I could undo it. It took my friend sometime to forgive me understandably.

Yes I love advice, yes I love being told when I am doing something wrong that I am unaware of. Yes I love pointers. Too many times I've done stuff I'd wished people and had said, have you thought about this instead? Here's an idea, try this? What about this instead? I love this!!!! I mean so many times I've regretted (not) doing something (else) and wished people had butt in on my side and offered suggestions at the time. Perspective is invaluable and hindsight is often useless only as a guide to the future.

The world is full of people who do not wish us well and who are out to hurt us. If you are prepared to criticize people you like and hate equally then what is the difference between the people you like and hate?

If you were never able to speak to someone again for whatever reason, what would you want the last thing you said to that person to be? How will they remember you? Will it be a fight? Will it be words of gratitude? Will it be encouragement?

Too often people slip out of our lives. Years later we wonder where they are, what they are doing, how they are. Sometimes you get a phone call telling us they have died, sometimes you just don't know how to contact them anymore, other times you hear of people who cross the street when they see people they haven't seen in years, I know I have. So I try to be positive.

So be kind, let people you love know that you love them, wish them well, wish them warm, wish them happiness.

Too often we want and often advocate for a better world and that better world starts with someone else. Ghandi told us that if we want to change the world we should start with ourselves first rather than someone else.

Here are some examples.

First example: Some feminists want to ban pornography and girls working in the sex industry because they think it exploits other women.

I am not sure if it exploits men if women go see male strippers for a girls night out. But honestly, the world is far from perfect. Working in the sex industry is one way girls can make a quick buck.

No, I do NOT want anybody hurt. If the woman wants to work in the sex industry for whatever reason I have no issue with it. Perhaps she is even eager to. I don't care. So long as she knows what she is doing, wants to do it, isn't being coerced then I don't see why its anybody's business but the woman's involved.

And no she shouldn't be shamed for her choice. What is that anyway?

Why should you care if she is working as a prostitute, stripper or whatever. Who are you to complain if she chooses to work thus? Some women have no other options and perhaps will enjoy the work. Stopping her from working won't stop men from wanting the service. If you want to stop the sex industry, change men first. Otherwise women will be kidnapped and forced to work as sex slaves etc.

I don't think feminism should be prudish. Sex is normal and natural.

Second example: Women who think feminism is passe, who think women are already equal enough. Oh boy. Women are far from equal while there are Lilly Ledbetter's in the world, there is no equality. These women who think feminism has nothing to offer them tend to be mothers. She's content, she doesn't think women should be doing this running around getting equal pay etc etc... If it wasn't for feminism, she couldn't vote, she may not be allowed to divorce her husband, she probably wouldn't be allowed access to her kids, she probably wouldn't be entitled to a bank acct or property, all of that would be her husbands. And we are a long way from being equal.

You may not consider yourself a feminist, that’s fine but why destroy the movement that you've benefited from yet don't want future generations of women, your daughters to benefit from?

Third example: abortion is probably one of the best ways of preventing guaranteed poverty for some young women, especially if the father disappears or turns out to be abusive. I would prefer to prevent the pregnancy in the first place by using contraception, but most pregnancies are unplanned and people are often elated with the news of a pregnancy and can't wait for their new arrival. 

Abortion is a sad option but it can mean the girl goes on to marry a suitable man and will get pregnant later on and raise a great family with her husband's help. However there are times when the pregnancy goes horribly wrong.

There are people who think that pregnancy never goes awry, when the baby is wanted but for some reason or another the fetus dies and the pregnancy doesn't terminate naturally in a miscarriage, or the fetus has severe deformities like not producing amniotic fluid which means the fetus will die anyway after birth, but causes severe pain as it rubs against the uterus walls. And sometimes the pregnancy will even kill the woman.

I have seen men and women both arguing for a so-called better world where there is no abortion, letting the mother die in some cases, or forcing her to live in poverty. These people are usually badly informed and idealistic.

All of these things are not their business why women choose abortion.

If you want a better world start with something you can control, rather than denying women rights.

"Be the change you wish to see in the world" (Ghandi) rather than demanding someone else give up rights or give up the fight for rights because you wish to force your view of 'your' perfect world upon somebody else.

Did you hear about the British woman still breastfeeding her 5 year old daughter? Everyone had an opinion, especially and including men, all knowing how to be a better mother than the woman involved.

I said something like: why don't we discuss instead the guys who got away with poisoning WV water or the CEOs of Wall St who destroyed the economy, or like pretty much every other CEO including Wal-mart or BIG OIL who polluted the gulf... they were all 'oh but this is child abuse', well what is getting away with destroying the economy or the people who pollute?

And is it child abuse? I don't know - breast feeding is natural, the only thing that’s debatable is breastfeeding when the child is 5, but there were Italians saying they were breastfed until they were 4 or so, so its debatable what is child abuse.

Why do all these people have an opinion on this when they conveniently ignore the damage the men are doing to the environment and so many other people.

Another friend of mine said, oh they are all jealous, they want to be breastfed themselves. Of course that wouldn't be child abuse then, it'd probably be titillating, and pornography is acceptable, because (mainly) men enjoy it.

It seems easy to beat up on women. The sad thing is women join in on beating up on women. They get to make fun of women and so men think hey its alright to beat up on women if women are doing it too. The press beat up on women, politicians beat up on women, the religious...

No one expects to be called on telling a woman what she should and shouldn't be doing. This is why the religious, the politicians, the press beat up on women, it is acceptable. As with the abortion debate. Abortion potentially saves women from pretty much guaranteed poverty and again the men get a pass if he abandons her. The guy who got her pregnant is not even questioned and he may indeed be the one demanding she gets an abortion.

Women get the blame when they are raped, hey she was drunk, she was asking for it wearing that... she wasn't a virgin... whatever lame excuse. But the guys get a pass for forcing himself upon her. Even women blame women for being raped.

We would never blame a man for being raped. If a woman raped him, she'd be blamed, if a man raped him, we'd just feel sorry for him.

I think women beat up on women because they are beat up upon everyday and pretty much powerless to change things in their lives. After all women have a choice between being a mother and a wife and mother. Yes she might get a bit of a job, she may even advance quite well in the job but she is not going to be CEO, not without a lot of hard work on her part and then she won't be paid as much, or people will say she slept her way to the top or she was handed the job for some other reason, never because she deserved it or would do a better job than a man or she was the best qualified or most capable. Or there is the actual threat of violence against women.

But I was told men are subjected to as much violence domestically as women, yet the men aren't afraid when a woman hits them. Yet women don't do the murdering, or very little of it, because men are 10x more likely to murder than a woman. Although men are more likely to be murdered (3x more likely), men are more likely to murder them.

No one expects to be challenged for insulting or making fun of a woman or disempowering her. Most people seem genuinely surprised when I step in ask people to stop.

Yet the men who are CEOs walk away freely, completely protected by society. Attack him and vast swaths of society will tell you CEOs are job creators or some shit, despite how he has poisoned the water, or caused millions of people to lose their jobs or homes or whatever. You can't make a comment about the clergy fighting the right of women to have abortions, people will attack you for making any comment about it, vast leagues of people will attack you for it.

Isn't it about time we start going after the people that really hurt people?

Isn't it about time we acknowledge that our real problems are caused by some men. Why do we let them off the hook constantly?