Marie PhD
  • Home
  • Politics
  • #OccupyCongress
  • Overview
  • Domestic Violence
  • Food

Children and Social Context

10/4/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
There are many things happening in our society that we really don't want to think about and one of those things is the clash between our sexuality and what our society thinks is good and proper.

As I have said in previous blog entries as a society we tend to be in denial about us being animals. Yes we are animals. We are mammals just like cats, dogs, monkeys... we need food, sleep, affection... and part of being an animal is having sex.

Somehow the innocence of children has been totally idolized and sacred; hence children are shielded from all knowledge of sex; and instead we prefer to think that somehow they will find out at the right time all about it themselves or traumatize them with the reality of the changes in their bodies. Menstruation is hidden, adults having sex is hidden, ... from the children, like sex is disgusting, rather than children learning about it like it is normal, a natural part of life, therefore children are never exposed to it.

The problem with this is that children make easy targets for pedophiles with the child's absolute ignorance of what is going on.

One of the things we could do to ease the plight of the victims of pedophiles is to talk about the subject. And unlike this academic who doesn't think pedophilia is a crime, it is, but how it is handled should be carefully considered.

How we deal with people who perpetrate these crimes tells their victims how they should feel about what has been done to them. I imagine that children who have been the victim of pedophiles will somehow translate this disgusting thing that has happened to them as they are themselves disgusting, and hence because they have internalized this disgust go on to perpetrate these crimes on children once they grow up.

How we talk about pedophilia must impact how the survivors of these crimes will feel about themselves and what has happened to them. Because victims can be reluctant to expose the crimes they don't get any chance at receiving professional help with healing from these crimes - our society waits until they do these crimes themselves on other children and then they are punished, rather than being given help after surviving abuse themselves.

Again we see our society is punishment based rather than helping survivors of crimes. The economic argument is: we must have prisons to punish criminals but paying professionals to help survivors of crimes is a waste of money.

Another problem with shielding children from sexuality is that parents think their kids won't be curious about sex because they never openly talk about it. They assume their kids will never be interested in something their parents place a taboo on. The parents may require their daughters to take purity pledges or some sort of nonsense that this will somehow make their kids not want to explore until they are married. Well they are wrong and naive.

But hormones are normal and natural and again with kids not having enough information because of cultural context the kids are not properly prepared and they do explore and they often chose badly when they explore. They might explore siblings or neighboring children or even adults which can have lasting and bad consequences for all involved. And this is cruel. Kids may not know the threshold of normal hugging and affection and start acting sexually to siblings or others but don't really see the harm they are doing because they are kids themselves. They just don't get the consequences.

If we treat the subject as a huge taboo, if we treat the crime as totally repugnant - will impact how the survivors of these crimes will feel about themselves.

0 Comments

Touch

8/31/2015

0 Comments

 
Picture
We as animals, and no I don't mean that derogatorily, thrive on touching and being touched and I don't mean 'touch' in a sexual sense. It is part of social grooming that many animals engage in. Many people enjoy petting cats and dogs and other animals or hugging other humans, a hand shake starts a business relationship or closes a deal. Touch is fundamental to us as human beings. Human babies need it for development. Research shows that teams that touch the most win more often, waitresses that casually touch customers get bigger tips, touch can give us confidence, makes us feel better, calm us... These articles all recommend we touch, or hug loved ones several times a day. Indeed, we should touch each other way more often than we do.

Again I need to reiterate that this is non-sexual touching.

There are safe places on unfamiliar people's bodies we can touch them socially which is non-sexual, such as hands, arms, shoulders and upper back. Any where else is unwanted touching unless there is appropriate intimacy, such as with an adult partner you consensually engage in sex with.

Despite all the benefits of non-sexual touching, we need to be reminded to do it, kind of like being reminded to eat our vegetables I suppose. But one of the things humans are very good at is confusing sensory signals, or, one thing for another.

For example, most of what makes food delicious is its smell. We anthropomorphize rocks and volcanoes into gods, we develop systems of rules and artificial structures and call them laws in religion, superstition, alchemy, language, law, and even algebra. We even lie to ourselves and call it rationalization. Sorting our way through the mess of mental constructions and coming to a truth will probably only make us eventually come to new realization of more self-deception. This is how knowledge evolves, and this is also another blog entry entirely.

Anyway this is where I come to the hypothesis that people who inappropriately touch others are doing so because they have confused the need for human touch with the adult activity of sex. Part of the delusion of the male stereotype is that men cannot need anything from others, yet they still need to touch and be touched. It is manly to have sex. It is not manly to need affection, or the need for the touch of another person's hand.

Another example is the lie (or rationalization) someone was 'asking for it'.

Also the male stereotype dictates men cannot touch each other yet there are these male bonding rituals of gang raping women, in other words, the woman/women being raped is a/are surrogate/s for these men being intimate with each other. We are fortunate more men don't feel the need to engage in such bonding rituals.

It is also manly to be violent. It is not manly to need to be hugged by your wife and kids. But how do you get your wife and kids to hug you after you've beaten them?

It may also be possible that men need to touch and be touched more than women do.

Touch is important, but is best kept to the safe zones. And all of us should remember to touch each other more often, and let's hope feminism can get the message out that it is safe for men to touch each other.

0 Comments

Asking For IT

6/6/2015

0 Comments

 
I'm sitting here viewing the umpteenth million copy of the vanity Fair cover featuring Caitlyn Jenner and wondering if conservative "Christians" would think "she is asking for it".

Of course I don't think anyone is asking for it but recently a number of men have claimed young children were "asking for it".

I know a lot of libertarian males say rape is bad but admonish women to be careful.  I wonder if Caitlyn has to be careful too? You see women generally are careful but the implication is a) that we are stupid and need this sage advice, and b) this implies that women who are raped are to blame for their rapes because they weren't careful enough, so basically yes, it is implying it's the woman's fault. But it's not women's fault, it's the rapists' fault - and I refuse to be sexist and say men just can't control themselves, men can control themselves.

I welcome all transgender people because it might get people to think more about gender. I think we know so little about ourselves, and hopefully it will impact what they are really saying when they make accusations of "asking for it". We never say men are "asking for it" and we know men have to survive rape too.

But in a country that is as "Christian" as many US GOP representatives would say it is, why are there so many men being caught out behaving appallingly? Between Hastert and the Duggars, and that the Duggars are now saying it should never have been brought to the media attention because the incident was so minor... (I can only wonder how the daughter feels...) so, basically, this is just the tip of the iceberg, because the Duggars feel it is so commonplace. In other words, these aren't aberrations, they are the norm. Surely something is very rotten with conservative "Christians".

It's well known that red states view the most pornography, I can only assume that this is because conservative women are taught that they shouldn't enjoy sex or otherwise they'll be sluts. With the purity movement in southern red states and the endlessly increasing list of sexual impropriety by conservative "christians" and the GOP, the party of conservative "Christians", isn't it time to run like hell from the loud and proud self-righteousness of being conservative "christian"?

For the record I have no problem with people who are genuinely Christian but you can tell who they are by their actions rather than what they say.
0 Comments

    Author

    I am interested in progressive politics, women's rights, science & art. I believe the only way we'll survive is if we help each other.

    Archives

    March 2023
    February 2023
    January 2023
    December 2022
    November 2022
    October 2022
    September 2022
    August 2022
    July 2022
    June 2022
    May 2022
    April 2022
    March 2022
    February 2022
    January 2022
    December 2021
    November 2021
    October 2021
    September 2021
    August 2021
    July 2021
    June 2021
    May 2021
    April 2021
    March 2021
    February 2021
    January 2021
    December 2020
    November 2020
    October 2020
    September 2020
    August 2020
    July 2020
    June 2020
    May 2020
    April 2020
    March 2020
    February 2020
    January 2020
    December 2019
    November 2019
    October 2019
    September 2019
    August 2019
    July 2019
    June 2019
    May 2019
    April 2019
    March 2019
    February 2019
    January 2019
    December 2018
    November 2018
    October 2018
    September 2018
    August 2018
    July 2018
    May 2018
    April 2018
    March 2018
    February 2018
    January 2018
    December 2017
    November 2017
    October 2017
    September 2017
    August 2017
    July 2017
    June 2017
    May 2017
    April 2017
    March 2017
    February 2017
    December 2016
    November 2016
    October 2016
    August 2016
    July 2016
    June 2016
    April 2016
    March 2016
    February 2016
    January 2016
    December 2015
    November 2015
    October 2015
    September 2015
    August 2015
    July 2015
    June 2015
    May 2015
    April 2015
    March 2015
    February 2015
    January 2015
    October 2014
    September 2014
    August 2014
    July 2014
    June 2014
    May 2014
    April 2014
    March 2014
    January 2014
    December 2013
    November 2013
    October 2013
    September 2013
    August 2013
    July 2013
    June 2013
    May 2013
    April 2013
    March 2013
    February 2013
    January 2013
    December 2012
    November 2012
    October 2012
    September 2012
    August 2012
    July 2012
    June 2012
    May 2012
    April 2012

    Categories

    All
    Abortion
    Anarchy
    Animals
    Atheism
    Austerity
    Banks
    Bodies
    Caitlyn Jenner
    Charity
    Children
    Communication
    Community
    Conservative Christianity
    Conservatives
    Conspiracy
    Constitution
    Corporation
    Corporations
    Deficit
    Deregulation
    Despotism
    Disenfranchised
    Duggars
    Dylann Roof
    Environment
    Equality
    Facebook
    Feminism
    Food
    Foreclosure
    Gender
    God
    Gop
    Gop Primaries
    Government
    Guns
    Hastert
    Healthcare
    Hierarchy
    History
    Humans
    Independence
    Kindness
    Knowledge
    Law
    Libertarian
    Libertarianism
    Limited Liability
    Loneliness
    Love
    Mating
    Medicare
    Men
    Military Industrial Complex
    Motherhood
    Nature
    Obama
    Obesity
    Occupy
    Orwellian
    Pedophilia
    Politics
    Power
    Powerlessness
    Premium Children
    Prostition
    Punishment
    Rape
    Revolution
    Richard Dawkins
    Sanity
    Sex
    Slut-shaming
    Status Quo
    Stock-market
    Suicide
    Teachers
    Transgender
    TV
    Us Corporations
    Violence
    Vulnerability
    Welfare Queens
    Women
    Women's Work
    World Domination

    RSS Feed

Powered by Create your own unique website with customizable templates.