I often watch the murder channels, ie Investigation Discovery (ID), and they really do paint things differently for each of the genders, for instance a man should not have to live in fear in his own home, is one quote from one of their talking heads, I think this was a woman "expert". Of course I agree, no one should have to live in fear in their home, but that should include women and children too. Such a statement was never heard on ID.
I am currently reading a book 'Mothertrucker' by Amy Butcher, where she claims about 25% of women live in a dangerous home. And while I am sure there are men who also live in dangerous situations (a lot of them in gay relationships), is it likely that 25% of men live in such dangerous situations with their female partner?
A lot of this abuse comes because of religious teachings, that women are the source of temptation, the bane of male existence, and no doubt gay males feel at odds with their partners because the church has taught them that men shouldn't lie with a man...
Of course there are many wonderful religious people who believe in loving one another and accepting differences, but these wonderful people are often eclipsed by the not so tolerant fundamentalists.
I have been watching some old skool Perry Mason also, and I am shocked at how flippantly they treat domestic violence and predator husbands (and the overt sexism often on the show) - has it taken 60 years, really, to know how dangerous family environments can be?
However, I do recommend you read Mothertrucker, which is being turned into a movie. It is a difficult read at times, but definitely worth knowing the truth of the daily horror many women experience in their homes. I guess it is not surprising that it's only been 60 years since the sexism of Perry Mason, when you read some of the reviews of MotherTrucker on Amazon, and the quote from Rebecca Solnit:
"Countless women are being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives, that the truth is not their property, now or ever."
Especially in light of the experience Joyce Maynard had with her memoir of JD Salinger, At home in the world. So many people outraged that she would write of her experience.
But back to ID, one of their talking heads (a woman, because she was elected by women to represent them all) said women deny they live in a dangerous situation when in fact they do. So basically the quote went something like, if a woman says she's being abused, she's lying. Putting 'domestic violence' into the google search bar very quickly brings up how to defend yourself against false domestic violence claims. I could find no actual evidence of the statistics of false domestic violence accusations, but I am guessing it is a he said/she said situation, so he is always the victim of some vengeful harpy... after-all all men are innocent and all women are bitches :( The only known instances of domestic violence are when the women is found murdered by their (former) partners. And it very much seems on ID at least, the only good woman is a dead woman.
Or could it be that men are oblivious to how violent they can be? We see shouting as violence, and they see shouting as lively discussion? We see physical violence as violence and they see a substitute for affection? We see sexual violence and they see us being coy about saying yes because then we'd be sluts??? Perspective?
I often wonder at why they paint women so badly on ID and someone suggested it was if you build private female prisons you have to put women in them... and there is a good reason law firms want men to fight all those 'false accusations of domestic violence' - men's money.
And there is very good reason men want to keep money out of women's hands, power.
Mothertrucker teaches us that money gives us independence. Independence is the domain of men, men like to think of themselves as something like islands and I once said before that money frees us from social engagement. (It gives men the illusion that makes them think they can say stuff like: I built this all by myself.) To live without money means to be completely dependent on others. Women know in fact that we are totally dependent on others, and the economy teaches us how inter-dependent we are. Money gives us the illusion that connection is irrelevent because, you give me what I want and I don't know anything about you (and you have to deal with whatever shit I dish out to get my money). Without money we have to talk to people, we have to ask them questions, it is time consuming and emotionally draining (see the book: kindness of strangers by Mike McIntyre. Another road trip book about a guy who travels across the US without using any money). It's the stuff that women do, because more than anything, we have to. Thus money affords us the opportunity to pick and choose who we want to connect with.
The reality is happiness is found in our quality relationships with each other. 'Love' is a fairytale we teach girls so they chase it, it disguises connection and stops loneliness. Love is the domain of men, it is a luxury only they can really engage in because they have the power of time and money and once they are done, they can move on... Movies teach men that men have to do little to earn love.
Jane Austen made all this clear in her book 'pride and prejudice' when Charlotte Lucas goes hard for that job interview with Mr Collins, a man who thinks he's entitled to whoever he wants as a wife (or slave).
I am currently reading a book 'Mothertrucker' by Amy Butcher, where she claims about 25% of women live in a dangerous home. And while I am sure there are men who also live in dangerous situations (a lot of them in gay relationships), is it likely that 25% of men live in such dangerous situations with their female partner?
A lot of this abuse comes because of religious teachings, that women are the source of temptation, the bane of male existence, and no doubt gay males feel at odds with their partners because the church has taught them that men shouldn't lie with a man...
Of course there are many wonderful religious people who believe in loving one another and accepting differences, but these wonderful people are often eclipsed by the not so tolerant fundamentalists.
I have been watching some old skool Perry Mason also, and I am shocked at how flippantly they treat domestic violence and predator husbands (and the overt sexism often on the show) - has it taken 60 years, really, to know how dangerous family environments can be?
However, I do recommend you read Mothertrucker, which is being turned into a movie. It is a difficult read at times, but definitely worth knowing the truth of the daily horror many women experience in their homes. I guess it is not surprising that it's only been 60 years since the sexism of Perry Mason, when you read some of the reviews of MotherTrucker on Amazon, and the quote from Rebecca Solnit:
"Countless women are being told that they are not reliable witnesses to their own lives, that the truth is not their property, now or ever."
Especially in light of the experience Joyce Maynard had with her memoir of JD Salinger, At home in the world. So many people outraged that she would write of her experience.
But back to ID, one of their talking heads (a woman, because she was elected by women to represent them all) said women deny they live in a dangerous situation when in fact they do. So basically the quote went something like, if a woman says she's being abused, she's lying. Putting 'domestic violence' into the google search bar very quickly brings up how to defend yourself against false domestic violence claims. I could find no actual evidence of the statistics of false domestic violence accusations, but I am guessing it is a he said/she said situation, so he is always the victim of some vengeful harpy... after-all all men are innocent and all women are bitches :( The only known instances of domestic violence are when the women is found murdered by their (former) partners. And it very much seems on ID at least, the only good woman is a dead woman.
Or could it be that men are oblivious to how violent they can be? We see shouting as violence, and they see shouting as lively discussion? We see physical violence as violence and they see a substitute for affection? We see sexual violence and they see us being coy about saying yes because then we'd be sluts??? Perspective?
I often wonder at why they paint women so badly on ID and someone suggested it was if you build private female prisons you have to put women in them... and there is a good reason law firms want men to fight all those 'false accusations of domestic violence' - men's money.
And there is very good reason men want to keep money out of women's hands, power.
Mothertrucker teaches us that money gives us independence. Independence is the domain of men, men like to think of themselves as something like islands and I once said before that money frees us from social engagement. (It gives men the illusion that makes them think they can say stuff like: I built this all by myself.) To live without money means to be completely dependent on others. Women know in fact that we are totally dependent on others, and the economy teaches us how inter-dependent we are. Money gives us the illusion that connection is irrelevent because, you give me what I want and I don't know anything about you (and you have to deal with whatever shit I dish out to get my money). Without money we have to talk to people, we have to ask them questions, it is time consuming and emotionally draining (see the book: kindness of strangers by Mike McIntyre. Another road trip book about a guy who travels across the US without using any money). It's the stuff that women do, because more than anything, we have to. Thus money affords us the opportunity to pick and choose who we want to connect with.
The reality is happiness is found in our quality relationships with each other. 'Love' is a fairytale we teach girls so they chase it, it disguises connection and stops loneliness. Love is the domain of men, it is a luxury only they can really engage in because they have the power of time and money and once they are done, they can move on... Movies teach men that men have to do little to earn love.
Jane Austen made all this clear in her book 'pride and prejudice' when Charlotte Lucas goes hard for that job interview with Mr Collins, a man who thinks he's entitled to whoever he wants as a wife (or slave).
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