The other day a girlfriend was bemoaning her relationship with a guy she likes. So I told her about the advice a teacher gave the class I was in when I was at the fancy all-girls high school that my mother sent me too.
The teacher said basically that you are going to suck at dating. Then by the time you get good at it, you will get married.
My teacher was right but for the wrong reasons.
You only really get good at dating when you are with the right person, that's why you get married to them.
If you are sucking at dating, you are dating the wrong person. I say get over it and move on; and the sooner the better. Let the relationship fail, better now than when you have two kids and another on the way. Let him go.
Actually, its better to throw everything and the sink at the relationship and try to break it before commitment. Too often people go on their best behavior when they are dating. Marriages are about being there for the other when the chips are down and the shit hits the fan.
If the relationship will work it will survive anything.
So the alternative is, what, loneliness?
The worst part of loneliness is a sense of not being connected to someone else. I think it was the Hindu creation myth where Brahma was sooo lonely, he tore himself in two just to have another person to hold. And when he tore himself in two he caused creation. Are we all just pieces of each other that we want to find someone else to hold? The closest thing to finding God is being in love, I am sure. But don't worry I am not going to go all religious on you.
The best times for me have been when I have been lonely. Those were the times when I stretched myself, experimented and experienced different things. I wish I had spent a whole lot less time chasing stupid relationships. I would rather have spent my time focused on me and who I was/am and realizing my own self worth.
So before you run around moping because there is no one with you, be grateful you have time to yourself and go do something interesting, become someone other people want to be with, be amazing. Listen to people, help people, care about others. This will make your life meaningful.
Don't be defined exclusively by the relationships in your life. Don't let other people define you as inferior because you don't have someone on your arm. Mothers sometimes do that to their daughters, shoo them off to find their own men with encouragements like "Don't wait too long to find the right man".
Honestly, it is better to be by yourself than with the wrong person. At least if you are by yourself, you don't have anything stopping others approaching. At least you won't be blinkered by your attraction for someone you are wasting your time and not see other people.
Be you first.
The teacher said basically that you are going to suck at dating. Then by the time you get good at it, you will get married.
My teacher was right but for the wrong reasons.
You only really get good at dating when you are with the right person, that's why you get married to them.
If you are sucking at dating, you are dating the wrong person. I say get over it and move on; and the sooner the better. Let the relationship fail, better now than when you have two kids and another on the way. Let him go.
Actually, its better to throw everything and the sink at the relationship and try to break it before commitment. Too often people go on their best behavior when they are dating. Marriages are about being there for the other when the chips are down and the shit hits the fan.
If the relationship will work it will survive anything.
So the alternative is, what, loneliness?
The worst part of loneliness is a sense of not being connected to someone else. I think it was the Hindu creation myth where Brahma was sooo lonely, he tore himself in two just to have another person to hold. And when he tore himself in two he caused creation. Are we all just pieces of each other that we want to find someone else to hold? The closest thing to finding God is being in love, I am sure. But don't worry I am not going to go all religious on you.
The best times for me have been when I have been lonely. Those were the times when I stretched myself, experimented and experienced different things. I wish I had spent a whole lot less time chasing stupid relationships. I would rather have spent my time focused on me and who I was/am and realizing my own self worth.
So before you run around moping because there is no one with you, be grateful you have time to yourself and go do something interesting, become someone other people want to be with, be amazing. Listen to people, help people, care about others. This will make your life meaningful.
Don't be defined exclusively by the relationships in your life. Don't let other people define you as inferior because you don't have someone on your arm. Mothers sometimes do that to their daughters, shoo them off to find their own men with encouragements like "Don't wait too long to find the right man".
Honestly, it is better to be by yourself than with the wrong person. At least if you are by yourself, you don't have anything stopping others approaching. At least you won't be blinkered by your attraction for someone you are wasting your time and not see other people.
Be you first.
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