Recently wrote in We Build Our Society
"Waiting for 2 mins on the Vegas strip is all it took me to get asked if wanted to have sex, an early morning walk with no one about - and a man walks up behind me and asks me for sex - I'm wearing sweats... I've been chased down roads by men in cars... once a police car was parked and I ran to it - only to see a car speed off that had been following me. A guy helps me open something, so I smile and thank him - he asks me if I want sex. I ignore pelvis' thrust forward, I stopped hearing the wolf-whistles, the guys who stop their cars asking me to get in... Do you know how frightening it is for women in our society?
"Then when a woman gets raped, the legal system treats her like she was asking for it - no - she was walking home thinking about - dinner or work... and suddenly someone wants to have sex with her. Honestly, a woman NEVER has to ask for it. Or the other thing people whisper is we wanted it but changed our minds the next day - no - women don't ever put themselves through the ordeal of pressing charges unless they really have to... the next day they'll just regret it..."
I have to add, I admire any woman who puts herself through the ordeal of pressing charges against a rapist. Anyway, appended to the original entry, there was this article. Guys just don't know how frightening it is in our society for women.
Guy replied: And in the eastern hemisphere it is the exact opposite. A man can't walk down the street without being propositioned by several prostitutes.
I replied: and you are afraid the prostitutes are gonna get the wrong idea and rape you ?
Guy replied: I'm about as afraid of prostitutes raping me as you are of being raped on the Vegas strip. That said, the prostitutes do put their hands on you. I have been groped on the street on several occasions. A friend of mine was groped and pick-pocketed by two women at the same time.
I replied: i may not be afraid of being raped on the vegas strip but i have been afraid of being raped often.
One time I went to a bar with a couple of male friends and a guy did the casual grope of my chest - and i grabbed him by the nuts - he looked like Christmas had come. I'd never have done this if i hadn't had 2 male friends with me.
You got pick pocketed - so what - I've been pick-pocketed too in Asia. And when I went out of a hotel I'd be accosted to buy silks or whatever too. its not the same.
Guy replied: Sexual assault is nothing to make light of, it is a serious crime. I'd hoped you see both sides of the story and make light of neither, oh well.
[Oh see now I am sexually assaulting this guy??]
I replied: what its not sexual assault to feel up my breasts?
Guy replied: It's sexual assault to grope anyone.
I replied: u are worried some tiny asian woman is gonna grab your ass - yet i only feel brave enough to grab some guys nuts because I had 2 men with me. You are right - I am not afraid of being raped in public - but its when I am alone that I am most afraid and thats when men ask me for sex, or grope or come after me in their cars. You have no idea of perspective you poor excuse for a male
Guy replied: You have no idea of my physical stature or anything else about me. Yet somehow I'm the one making all the assumptions. At least we all know your perspective and your opinion of those who agree with you completely, but not in the manner you deem fit.
Another guy replied: The thing is that sexual assault by a woman on a man does not typically carry the implied threat of violence/rape. That doesn't make it OK, it but it doesn't necessarily and automatically include a greater danger.
On the other hand, sexual assault by a man on a woman pretty much always carries the implied threat of violence or rape, especially if the woman is alone. Whether or not the guy means to be additionally threatening, it is a threat that the woman must take into consideration.
Perhaps more to the point, a man (at least in Western culture) almost has to go looking for a setting wherein he is actually groped/assaulted, whereas it is depressingly common for pretty much all women to have the experience of being groped/grabbed/propositioned/pressured/assaulted in one fashion or another.
It's a false equivalence to try to equate the behavior of a few women in a specific scenario ("tourist trap" type environment where the number of tourists supports a high sex trade to the point of aggressiveness) to the behavior of men toward women *across women's entire lives* growing up.
Guy replied: And since neither a sexual assault or any violence occurred in this thread, there is no reason not to (COMPLETELY AGREE) and add that sexual assault is wrong no matter who it comes from or where it is being perpetrated.
Another different guy replied: Guy, the difference in circumstances is chiefly that the prostitutes are offering services to potential paying customers, where as in the other the men are threatening to take what they want. The sad part is that we live in a society that cheapens all human relations, leading both to some women selling themselves and many men thinking it's fine to treat women purely as cheap sexual objects.
Guy replied: I am aware of the difference and I think it's a sexist generalization.
1) Not all women who assault men sexually are prostitutes. 2) Not all men who treat women badly are rapists.
To pit men against women is to divide us against the real issue which is sexual assault itself, regardless of the gender.
I let the matter drop because the guy was obviously dealing with his own issues. But there does seem to be a general blinkering of men to the problems women endure in our society.
"Waiting for 2 mins on the Vegas strip is all it took me to get asked if wanted to have sex, an early morning walk with no one about - and a man walks up behind me and asks me for sex - I'm wearing sweats... I've been chased down roads by men in cars... once a police car was parked and I ran to it - only to see a car speed off that had been following me. A guy helps me open something, so I smile and thank him - he asks me if I want sex. I ignore pelvis' thrust forward, I stopped hearing the wolf-whistles, the guys who stop their cars asking me to get in... Do you know how frightening it is for women in our society?
"Then when a woman gets raped, the legal system treats her like she was asking for it - no - she was walking home thinking about - dinner or work... and suddenly someone wants to have sex with her. Honestly, a woman NEVER has to ask for it. Or the other thing people whisper is we wanted it but changed our minds the next day - no - women don't ever put themselves through the ordeal of pressing charges unless they really have to... the next day they'll just regret it..."
I have to add, I admire any woman who puts herself through the ordeal of pressing charges against a rapist. Anyway, appended to the original entry, there was this article. Guys just don't know how frightening it is in our society for women.
Guy replied: And in the eastern hemisphere it is the exact opposite. A man can't walk down the street without being propositioned by several prostitutes.
I replied: and you are afraid the prostitutes are gonna get the wrong idea and rape you ?
Guy replied: I'm about as afraid of prostitutes raping me as you are of being raped on the Vegas strip. That said, the prostitutes do put their hands on you. I have been groped on the street on several occasions. A friend of mine was groped and pick-pocketed by two women at the same time.
I replied: i may not be afraid of being raped on the vegas strip but i have been afraid of being raped often.
One time I went to a bar with a couple of male friends and a guy did the casual grope of my chest - and i grabbed him by the nuts - he looked like Christmas had come. I'd never have done this if i hadn't had 2 male friends with me.
You got pick pocketed - so what - I've been pick-pocketed too in Asia. And when I went out of a hotel I'd be accosted to buy silks or whatever too. its not the same.
Guy replied: Sexual assault is nothing to make light of, it is a serious crime. I'd hoped you see both sides of the story and make light of neither, oh well.
[Oh see now I am sexually assaulting this guy??]
I replied: what its not sexual assault to feel up my breasts?
Guy replied: It's sexual assault to grope anyone.
I replied: u are worried some tiny asian woman is gonna grab your ass - yet i only feel brave enough to grab some guys nuts because I had 2 men with me. You are right - I am not afraid of being raped in public - but its when I am alone that I am most afraid and thats when men ask me for sex, or grope or come after me in their cars. You have no idea of perspective you poor excuse for a male
Guy replied: You have no idea of my physical stature or anything else about me. Yet somehow I'm the one making all the assumptions. At least we all know your perspective and your opinion of those who agree with you completely, but not in the manner you deem fit.
Another guy replied: The thing is that sexual assault by a woman on a man does not typically carry the implied threat of violence/rape. That doesn't make it OK, it but it doesn't necessarily and automatically include a greater danger.
On the other hand, sexual assault by a man on a woman pretty much always carries the implied threat of violence or rape, especially if the woman is alone. Whether or not the guy means to be additionally threatening, it is a threat that the woman must take into consideration.
Perhaps more to the point, a man (at least in Western culture) almost has to go looking for a setting wherein he is actually groped/assaulted, whereas it is depressingly common for pretty much all women to have the experience of being groped/grabbed/propositioned/pressured/assaulted in one fashion or another.
It's a false equivalence to try to equate the behavior of a few women in a specific scenario ("tourist trap" type environment where the number of tourists supports a high sex trade to the point of aggressiveness) to the behavior of men toward women *across women's entire lives* growing up.
Guy replied: And since neither a sexual assault or any violence occurred in this thread, there is no reason not to (COMPLETELY AGREE) and add that sexual assault is wrong no matter who it comes from or where it is being perpetrated.
Another different guy replied: Guy, the difference in circumstances is chiefly that the prostitutes are offering services to potential paying customers, where as in the other the men are threatening to take what they want. The sad part is that we live in a society that cheapens all human relations, leading both to some women selling themselves and many men thinking it's fine to treat women purely as cheap sexual objects.
Guy replied: I am aware of the difference and I think it's a sexist generalization.
1) Not all women who assault men sexually are prostitutes. 2) Not all men who treat women badly are rapists.
To pit men against women is to divide us against the real issue which is sexual assault itself, regardless of the gender.
I let the matter drop because the guy was obviously dealing with his own issues. But there does seem to be a general blinkering of men to the problems women endure in our society.
RSS Feed
