One of the things we learn quickly in our society that it is vastly important to be right.

Being wrong is a way you are pushed down the hierarchy in our society - being wrong is shameful - it makes you vulnerable to those who know - and knowing means being right first time and always. Because as this NYTimes article says, being wrong means you have to apologize - and is there anything more defacing in the social hierarchy than having to apologize?  Being right means you've always known what is right - that you personally have never been wrong.

There are so many things you can be wrong about - like knowing which clothes to wear, what to say and do, being the wrong gender, having a 'subpar' body, what to think, which books to read, what is cool, who else is wrong... it goes on and on and on...

Being right is pretty stupid. It's hubris.

It is also anti-science.

Because any (good) scientist knows that being wrong and being okay with being wrong is awesome when it comes to science. Science is about evolving the right answer, it is about being wrong until we figure out how to be right about a theory and even then theories are never proven right, they can only be proven wrong but running with it until we find out what is wrong about it (Popper).

This is how evolution works. It's about constantly evolving a theory until it works, whether it is social policy or thinking about gender in society, for example. How we think about marriage has changed so much during my lifetime.

But we also see this with things like television too - what we think of as a television has changed so much since the days of rabbit ear antennas to flat screen monsters we now have on walls. Computers have evolved and evolved again, storage devices have changed from open reel tapes to USB flash drives. There are things that haven't changed much and that includes things like artificial intelligence, unless you believe the hype. Music and even religion has evolved.

What was right before is wrong now, or at least not as good.

The problem with right and wrong is when we apply the words to ethics, behavior and morality. There are things we can do that will always be wrong, like hurting others. But what if ... we learn something via doing the 'wrong' thing? Hopefully. Imo the best politicians are those who know what it feels like when life has given them lemons. Yet they are the ones we disqualify because converting lemons to lemonade is often a messy business.

There is no moral judgment when it comes to science and being wrong and right, despite the ethics of some experiments. When is it wrong to inject radioactive isotopes into someone? In some rare medical experiments for diagnostic purposes it is still done, where the diagnosis out-weighs the damage the experiment might do.

Sometimes right and wrong are sometimes seen as perspectives that allows men to wiggle out of ethical dilemmas using sophistry.

There is no clear cut line between the binary of right and wrong. Sometimes it's quantum mechanics all the way down with all that uncertainty.

The other day we ejected someone from our science Facebook group because they violated our primary rule: no politics.

They made a number of posts about how COVID-19 was a hoax and that we had to "wake up" because "the government doesn't care about us".

I can only assume if the person telling us to wake up and believed COVID 19 is a hoax is also a republican voter, and in this case, I agree, republican government doesn't care about anyone - but themselves and their rich donors.

With republicans telling people to die for the economy, or that they should be infected, and Trump bleating about the election being stolen only to raise money from his supporters to fill his own pockets and filing endless law suits to over turn the election, including thinking about martial law! While not doing anything like the job he applied for and got, which is to care about us (did he ever?) Meanwhile thousands of people are dying in the US from COVID 19 and he says nothing about those people.  Yet there are people who are in denial about this virus and the devastating affect it has on some of our most vulnerable.

If you think COVID 19 is a hoax, why are they doing this? So people can panic buy toilet paper and make manufacturers rich? So corporations who manufacture vaccines can make a huge profit? So many people will lose their homes because they cannot pay rent and put so many people out of work and other businesses in financial jeopardy... Seriously?

Some science shows like to talk about Occam's razor and the simplest theory is that COVID 19 is real.

Again in this belonging/loneliness series, and this includes movements or ideas, for example conspiracy theories, artificial intelligence, religion... For an idea to take hold, you first need a person to put the idea, promote it, and then there must be followers, people who like the idea and get behind it. The followers may like the idea to different degrees, perhaps including those followers who strongly dislike the idea, but there has to be a large enough following for the idea to 'happen'. As I have said before, an idea needs to evolve, develop words to describe it until it becomes a part of our social technology. I think some of the things we've done as humans was to develop a language that encapsulates many concepts beyond those things we need for immediate survival (shelter, people to help us, attending to the needs of our bodies), such as 'special relativity' and advanced fields of mathematics like formalizing group theory for example.

It reminds me of an episode on 'brain games' where they talked about someone just waiting at the beginning of a line (queue) and as this person stood there, people just lined up behind the person. I think it was a 'he'. But it'd be interesting to know how much attractiveness and gender played a part in this. Was there a level of authority that made people join the line? (About the 15min mark where they talk about informational social influence. Indeed me finding a link to convince you, the reader..., see more than one person said so. Or if you don't believe me, take it up with them.)

Perhaps the idea has to develop a life beyond itself. For instance the story of the people who like the idea, or the story of people who hate an idea or the person spruiking it. For example, especially the US, politicizing an idea. Like the idea of wearing a face mask to help prevent the spread of COVID 19. Those who don't want to wear a mask tell stories about the idea of wearing a mask like: it's what the people on the left do, it is interfering with their freedom, yada yada... In other words, a story completely unrelated to the idea of wearing mask for the health benefit of others.

I recently had a debate with a guy about Ayn Rand. Was she to blame for libertarianism? Or was she just the most visible person to blame. Of course I believe that if people can blame a woman, they will. The idea of libertarianism was around before Ayn Rand, and I believe it 'started' when the idea was first dubbed 'laissez faire' and probably was the main force behind the rolling revolutions. The person I debated with blamed Ayn Rand for capitalism in the end, which was so funny that I just left the conversation.

Most ideas get reinvented and renamed something new, and they take off again.

One of the links based on informational social influence said 'When we do not know how to behave, we copy other people.'

How do we know why we are doing anything? For most of us, I am guessing, my body requires attention. Then it becomes a matter of surviving beyond immediate concerns, and in our society it is about acquiring income so we can remain warm, get food, protect ourselves... and much of that protection is by doing what others do. We acquire income not only because everyone else is doing it but it provides us with status and thus safety within that society. Otherwise we can take our chances in the forest with the snakes, bears and mountain lions, where money is useless.

And this is the black and white of belonging. Even within that society, with our layers of belonging, we may not have all the connections we need to genuinely belong. The connections we need with others, with our family, the greater context is where do we belong. I think this is the main appeal of churches, it gives a group of people a place to belong beyond family. But churches aren't the only things that bring strangers together, there are book clubs, coffee shops, night clubs, schools, sports, work, ideas...

Most of what we do is following the herd, whether it is how you think about food, politics, who do you belong with, who do you identify with, how do you feel about music, art, X... all these ways we identify with the world. You think you may have no opinion, but what is more likely true is that you have a herd opinion.

You may think you think independently, but what does that mean? The words you use to think your thoughts were taught to you by others, pretty much every aspect of you that makes you human has been instilled in you by society. To be truly independent would require you to never have human contact and that would mean being separated probably at birth. You would have no language, which means no way to express your ideas and needs to yourself and you would probably die, because you wouldn't have been taught about germs and sewerage and you'd have no medicine. Our road rules allow us to navigate the roads to where we are going with minimal interference.

You might think it is so cool to walk your own path, but it does lead to loneliness, and you might think that is so creative but it can be very lonely being alone all the time. The bottom line is we all need each other. We are all connected, everything is connected. There is nothing that exists in isolation, not even your thoughts or your thought experiments.

Woohoo - sex - what can be better than sex? Well in my opinion, companionship is better than sex. Indeed, sex is the origin of so many of our problems because it is used as a substitute for affection. And because of this terrible confusion between affection and sex it has meant humans are generally starving for affection.

Although I have discussed this before, sex is used as a substitute for affection. Affection isn't manly, sex is manly - and men want to be men, rather than wussy and wussy is needing anything, especially affection - but we are mammals and we've been needing the warmth of fellow mammals touch for millions of years.

So many of our problems stem from sex. I was recently reading about the problems of being openly LGBT up until quite recently it has been laced with shame, persecution, often violence and stigma. Pedophilia, rape, abortion... and at their very root is the taboos on sex.

Sex is a minefield for teenagers because no one talks about it, adults are embarrassed, like it is something shameful, when sex really is something like eating or using the bathroom, we are designed to reproduce and reproduction is something that needs to be done rarely especially with the benefits of modern medicine and the prevalence of food. We now live longer lives and death related to birth, whether it is the mother or the child is still happening although not like it was even a hundred years ago.

I think only people who really want children should have them, given the number of children in the foster system. We should take care of the children in need of a home first before forcing people (women) into having children they don't want.

But teenagers who are starved for affection and faced with the taboo of sex - will often opt to experiment.

There are all kinds of reasons why people eat but mostly it's meant to be fuel. People have sex for all kinds of reasons too, and while orgasm is enjoyable and can help relieve tension, a partner is not strictly necessary, not unless you are planning to reproduce which is a decision that has to be made carefully because it involves so much responsibility.
 
As someone I once knew said, men give love to have sex and women give sex to get love. And this causes all kinds of problems. The sad statement that women get involved with men that results in a disastrous relationship for her and possibly any children involved. Also that money is kept out of women's hands to make sure women seek out relationships. Traditionally jobs involving women making quick money were viewed by society as deeply shameful - aka prostitution.

What we really need is that everyone gives each other affection, instead of using sex as a substitute for affection. Affection relieves stress and tension too without the consequences of unwanted pregnancies or diseases. And I am sure this would help heal and prevent so much damage done in the name of sex.

Last month I wrote about loneliness. And this is the flip side of loneliness, the awful things that come with the desire to belong.

The need to belong drives us to join with others, a powerful survival strategy that humans and other critters have employed with great success. For humans belonging comes in many forms whether it is being a supporter of a sports  team, a political faction, a cult or any kind of family.

And there are layers of belonging, family, friends, work environment or place. We can walk away from our favorite football team to our friends and family, people we belong with, and perhaps we only love our football team because our family loves that team. And we may adopt specific kinds of behaviors and beliefs (religion is the easy one here but who we hate/love is another, think of being a fan of... ) to belong in different situations.

A lot of people have great families to which they belong and are accepted as who they are - although it could be disastrous if they belong to a family that is toxic. Where they potentially twist themselves into psychological knots to belong to a toxic family, relationship or cult, and some cults can be truly evil.

We've heard of cults that murder and we know about Jonestown and the Manson family. It'd be easy to blame the individuals for murdering others, but the reality is people really just want to BELONG. People want to please others so they too can belong and will go along with the delusions of a charismatic leader, such as murder, suicide, refusing to wear a face mask or injecting themselves with bleach.

However, if an individual comes from a great family who sees them as who they are and accepts them for who they  are then it probably sets them up for a healthy life with healthy relationships. Or does it? There is a lot of people going along with the insanity of the charismatic Trump and presumably not all of them came from a toxic home.

Relationships can be fraught with problems, relationships people should leave but they are concerned with worrying where do they belong if they are no longer part of it. Relationships where neither the abuser or the abused can leave. The relationship persists as is, with no hope of it ever being fixed.

How many persona do you adopt in the many situations you exist in every day and what is it you are doing to belong in that situation? What causes you to belong? Because the context of belonging will define you.

I wonder whether there is mob mentality at work that interrupts the individuals ability to mentally step back and say - loneliness is better (than whatever it is) than belonging (in this situation). Because loneliness can come rushing in to fill the void of not belonging. Or perhaps it's facing the loneliness that comes with not belonging, of being forced out because they weren't considered worthy to belong that makes people truly free.

I can't help but wonder who is hurting most with lockdown - those who live in abusive households, whether physically, emotionally and/or sexually, or those who live alone.

I have been reading about loneliness and it seems we don't know much about it. I am reading a book called 'the lonely city' by Olivia Laing which discusses specifically art and loneliness.

I haven't progressed far into the book but she has discussed how loneliness isn't a subject that has been explored especially by psychologists - until perhaps very recently.

A lot of people will tell you how useful loneliness is and can be in that once you transcend the need for others and make peace with yourself you can become extremely productive. I guess if you are alone, there is no one to interrupt your work. And that is great if you can make peace with yourself and move into a productive place.

I know people who have turned to work or some art form as a result of loneliness and gained a sense of purposefulness, while others turned to other addictions. I guess it depends on the nurture you received when you were young to figure out how to deal with the demons that inhabit your soul.

I think some loneliness can be dealt with by physical touch. As Simon and Garfunkel aptly put:

But I get no offers
Just a come-on from the whores
On Seventh Avenue
I do declare
There were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there

I don't know how this works for lonely women... or how prostitutes deal with their clients with COVID-19. But casual sex must be now extremely difficult to deal with right now.

In Japan you could rent a friend if you needed some company, where customers sometimes cry when they shake hands because no one has touched them for so long. But these articles are from before COVID-19. We in the west are much more embarrassed to admit the weakness of being alone. Instead we had psychologists and fortune tellers for those lonely for company to talk to, if you have money. But politicians know you can buy popularity by paying people to attend their rallies.

On both sides of the Pacific money can buy you friendship I guess.

But I think touch is the shortcut root to connection, whether it is sex or genuine affection. (I think sex is a substitute for genuine affection, as a lot of people equate 'a lot of sex' with a healthy marriage because sex can provide intimacy, because it's not masculine to need affection or intimacy - it is acceptable for men to have sex though - despite the consequences for the woman.) We humans need affection - and I think affection is confused with sex for a lot of adults (men) - and also there is an embargo on physical touch in our society because of that confusion. I think this is why men say kids and others are 'asking for it' when the kid just wants affection (Yes, you can touch and be affectionate non-sexually, although google doesn't think so, although this article suggests getting massages, and haircuts, among other things. Perhaps loneliness is why some people visit the doctor regularly?).

It's a mess. Is this why some men grope women? Perhaps they should get a pet, if they can learn to pet it rather than ... - I don't want to think about it.

But they have done research to prove it's a thing, apparently NBA teams that touch more, win more. And these are guys who don't go around having sex in public.

Anyway the confusion surrounding touch, I think, contributes to loneliness. Although touch isn't helping those trapped at home lonely with COVID-19. I do know we all need each other and we all need to be needed and that can be expressed in so many ways - whether it is by being active politically or being part of an online community. There are other ways of sating loneliness.

These people who refuse to wear a face mask to prevent the spread of COVID19 would probably have no trouble with a complete ban on abortion. It's possible that you will find some people who don't want to wear a face mask and support abortion and vice versa but I suspect that the majority of these people would be anti face mask and anti abortion.

And no doubt even telling them to wear a mask causes them to issue death threats to those who advocate the wearing of face masks. Dr Fauci has now had to hire private security guards to protect him and his family from those who didn't like his message that people should wear a face mask.

What I find staggering is that they themselves may find it invasive to be told to wear a mask with complaints that it supposedly limits oxygen, although this is a myth that has been thoroughly debunked - yet will turn around and demand women not get an abortion; is there anything more invasive than demanding a woman completely inconvenience herself for an unwanted fetus? Women routinely die as a result of child birth - it is a dangerous process, although abortion is very much risk free despite their propaganda. While unsafe abortion regularly kills women.

Can you imagine if these people who refuse to wear face masks had to endure an unwanted pregnancy?

The irony is if the woman has an abortion 2 streets down it has no affect on you, the person demanding she doesn't have an abortion. If the woman doesn't wear a face mask it may kill you. Similarly, if you don't wear a face mask, you may kill her whether she has an abortion or not - and that should be negligent homicide.

Aren't we all sick to death of politics. I know I am sick of everything being turned into politics. Science is pretty much all political now and it's so boring.

Besides politics is broken. The two party system is really just a one party system and I mean that as: in a democracy people are elected to represent the best interests of the people but one party is only interested in representing themselves and some of the very rich.

A lot of rich people know that we are rich in our neighbor. By that I mean if my neighbor is rich they don't need to steal from me to survive, otherwise we are all living in poverty.

Nevertheless politics is nothing more than who can come up with the lowest common denominator slogans. Trump with his 'law and order' campaign - ffs.

It's so boring.

But the problem is real people are being hurt and dying while these assholes are playing with slogans and telling us lies. Republicans are gerrymandering districts to ensure they continue winning in states and the federal senate while telling us to die for the economy.

I am sure being subjected to violence is terrifying in the extreme. Wondering whether you will survive the assault, wondering if your body will still be okay afterwards, will this change your life forever? Wondering if the uncertainty of how much it'll hurt and the outcome must be extremely frightening.

But witnessing violence is also frightening because it makes you wonder what it'll be like when it's your turn.

Witnessing violence is traumatizing. Perhaps not as much as the victim but traumatizing nevertheless.

Whether that violence is witnessed in the home, at schools, on the streets, in the news, we are all affected.

So when George Floyd was murdered on the streets we are all traumatized. Perhaps we know we aren't likely to be the first victim of an attack, we know we will be in line somewhere behind. As the above poem so eloquently states they will come for me eventually.

So while you might think some group of people are the problem, they are not. Jews, Arabs, people of various groups, colors, religions, women, LGBTQ, witches, left, right... are not the problem. All groups have good and bad people and getting rid of a certain kind of person will not solve any problems despite what you are told because like the poem says, another group of people will become the problem and then another until eventually you become the problem to be eliminated. We all need each other and we all have so much in common, much much more than we are different from each other.

If you experienced violence at home or anywhere, it does not need to be perpetuated. If you feel like you need to be violent, seek help. Violence is not the answer.

Last night I sat here staring at this blank screen and wondered what to write so my husband today suggested something positive because things are bleak now for many of us. And I imagine for some very much more than others.

However as I cast about for inspiration last night I found this article about the real life case of Golding's 'Lord of the Flies'. A group of boys were marooned on an island in the Pacific for over a year and none of them died or killed each other, instead they cooperated, worked hard to survive and when one of them broke a leg, the group rescued and cared for him until he was better.

And while times were tough for these castaways when they argued they enforced strict time outs. But in all their story is about cooperation and friendship which allowed them to and gave them reason to survive.

There are many remarkable people on this planet doing extraordinarily courageous things for others, including mothers going through agony to give birth, who sacrifice their time, constantly put themselves last for the sake of their family... Somehow this is expected and seldom acknowledged - perhaps one day a year - perhaps.

Then there are the doctors and nurses working to save people's lives during this COVID-19 crisis, more than 200 dying in the world as a result to close contact with people sick with the virus.

It's too easy to focus on our differences and to hate those who we think don't belong in our camp. We see this so commonly with politics, when politics, imo, is meant to be nothing more than a public service, where politicians should only be motivated by the common good - not so, especially among republicans. But I have been unfriended, shouted at and blocked by Bernie Sanders supporters. The more vicious the attack I just assume they are Russian hackers trying to split the left so as a lefty I wouldn't be tempted to support Sander's if he won the nomination. And since this is how some Sander's supporters behave those who aren't Russian hackers want to belong to this group so they also engage in this behavior also; when in fact we all want the same thing, to end citizens united, single-payer quality healthcare for all, equal rights for everyone in this country and the world; and good quality free education at all levels for everyone. I also want quality services for all people regardless of where they live. I want to end debt slavery and a clean rich healthy environment that wildlife and humans need. We can do much better than we are.

And this is probably where our environment plays it's winning hand, it knows exactly how to shut us down. We humans think we are so clever, we don't think we need a clean healthy environment - this is rich old male hubris - and then we get COVID-19 and we all shut down. Well played mother nature, well played.

It is us that save the orphaned elephants and ostriches and allow them to be able to survive - together. It is us we need, we humans are pretty wonderful, full of kindness, courage and intelligence - and while mother nature may be winning this current round with COVID-19, we have evolved huge brains to figure out solutions and we will solve this. But mother nature only means to teach us a lesson. If she was done with us a nearby star would supernova and destroy us completely, something our big brains will never be able to save us from unless we have already left this solar system far behind.

But before I scuttle off, I would like to remind everyone of a quote from the guy who rescued those boys castaway on that Pacific island: “Life has taught me a great deal, ... including the lesson that you should always look for what is good and positive in people.”

We all need and depend on each other.