Woohoo - sex - what can be better than sex? Well in my opinion, companionship is better than sex. Indeed, sex is the origin of so many of our problems because it is used as a substitute for affection. And because of this terrible confusion between affection and sex it has meant humans are generally starving for affection.

Although I have discussed this before, sex is used as a substitute for affection. Affection isn't manly, sex is manly - and men want to be men, rather than wussy and wussy is needing anything, especially affection - but we are mammals and we've been needing the warmth of fellow mammals touch for millions of years.

So many of our problems stem from sex. I was recently reading about the problems of being openly LGBT up until quite recently it has been laced with shame, persecution, often violence and stigma. Pedophilia, rape, abortion... and at their very root is the taboos on sex.

Sex is a minefield for teenagers because no one talks about it, adults are embarrassed, like it is something shameful, when sex really is something like eating or using the bathroom, we are designed to reproduce and reproduction is something that needs to be done rarely especially with the benefits of modern medicine and the prevalence of food. We now live longer lives and death related to birth, whether it is the mother or the child is not like it was even a hundred years ago.

Now I think only people who really want children should have them, given the number of children in the foster system. We should take care of the children in need of a home first before forcing people (women) into having children they don't want.

But teenagers who are starved for affection and faced with the taboo of sex - will often opt to experiment.

There are all kinds of reasons why people eat but mostly it's meant to be fuel. People have sex for all kinds of reasons too, and while orgasm can be enjoyable and can help relieve tension, a partner is not strictly necessary, not unless you are planning to reproduce which is a decision that has to be made carefully because it involves so much responsibility.
 
As someone I once knew said, men give love to have sex and women give sex to get love. And this causes all kinds of problems too.

What we really need is that everyone gives each other affection, instead of using sex as a substitute for affection. Affection relieves stress and tension too without the consequences of unwanted pregnancies or diseases. And I am sure this would help heal and prevent so much damage done in the name of sex.

Last month I wrote about loneliness. And this is the flip side of loneliness, the awful things that come with the desire to belong.

The need to belong drives us to join with others, a powerful survival strategy that humans and other critters have employed with great success. For humans belonging comes in many forms whether it is being a supporter of a sports  team, a political faction, a cult or any kind of family.

And there are layers of belonging, family, friends, work environment or place. We can walk away from our favorite football team to our friends and family, people we belong with, and perhaps we only love our football team because our family loves that team. And we may adopt specific kinds of behaviors and beliefs (religion is the easy one here but who we hate/love is another, think of being a fan of... ) to belong in different situations.

A lot of people have great families to which they belong and are accepted as who they are - although it could be disastrous if they belong to a family that is toxic. Where they potentially twist themselves into psychological knots to belong to a toxic family, relationship or cult, and some cults can be truly evil.

We've heard of cults that murder and we know about Jonestown and the Manson family. It'd be easy to blame the individuals for murdering others, but the reality is people really just want to BELONG. People want to please others so they too can belong and will go along with the delusions of a charismatic leader, such as murder, suicide, refusing to wear a face mask or injecting themselves with bleach.

However, if an individual comes from a great family who sees them as who they are and accepts them for who they  are then it probably sets them up for a healthy life with healthy relationships. Or does it? There is a lot of people going along with the insanity of the charismatic Trump and presumably not all of them came from a toxic home.

Relationships can be fraught with problems, relationships people should leave but they are concerned with worrying where do they belong if they are no longer part of it. Relationships where neither the abuser or the abused can leave. The relationship persists as is, with no hope of it ever being fixed.

How many persona do you adopt in the many situations you exist in every day and what is it you are doing to belong in that situation? What causes you to belong? Because the context of belonging will define you.

I wonder whether there is mob mentality at work that interrupts the individuals ability to mentally step back and say - loneliness is better (than whatever it is) than belonging (in this situation). Because loneliness can come rushing in to fill the void of not belonging. Or perhaps it's facing the loneliness that comes with not belonging, of being forced out because they weren't considered worthy to belong that makes people truly free.

I can't help but wonder who is hurting most with lockdown - those who live in abusive households, whether physically, emotionally and/or sexually, or those who live alone.

I have been reading about loneliness and it seems we don't know much about it. I am reading a book called 'the lonely city' by Olivia Laing which discusses specifically art and loneliness.

I haven't progressed far into the book but she has discussed how loneliness isn't a subject that has been explored especially by psychologists - until perhaps very recently.

A lot of people will tell you how useful loneliness is and can be in that once you transcend the need for others and make peace with yourself you can become extremely productive. I guess if you are alone, there is no one to interrupt your work. And that is great if you can make peace with yourself and move into a productive place.

I know people who have turned to work or some art form as a result of loneliness and gained a sense of purposefulness, while others turned to other addictions. I guess it depends on the nurture you received when you were young to figure out how to deal with the demons that inhabit your soul.

I think some loneliness can be dealt with by physical touch. As Simon and Garfunkel aptly put:

But I get no offers
Just a come-on from the whores
On Seventh Avenue
I do declare
There were times when I was so lonesome
I took some comfort there

I don't know how this works for lonely women... or how prostitutes deal with their clients with COVID-19. But casual sex must be now extremely difficult to deal with right now.

In Japan you could rent a friend if you needed some company, where customers sometimes cry when they shake hands because no one has touched them for so long. But these articles are from before COVID-19. We in the west are much more embarrassed to admit the weakness of being alone. Instead we had psychologists and fortune tellers for those lonely for company to talk to, if you have money. But politicians know you can buy popularity by paying people to attend their rallies.

On both sides of the Pacific money can buy you friendship I guess.

But I think touch is the shortcut root to connection, whether it is sex or genuine affection. (I think sex is a substitute for genuine affection, as a lot of people equate 'a lot of sex' with a healthy marriage because sex can provide intimacy, because it's not masculine to need affection or intimacy - it is acceptable for men to have sex though - despite the consequences for the woman.) We humans need affection - and I think affection is confused with sex for a lot of adults (men) - and also there is an embargo on physical touch in our society because of that confusion. I think this is why men say kids and others are 'asking for it' when the kid just wants affection (Yes, you can touch and be affectionate non-sexually, although google doesn't think so, although this article suggests getting massages, and haircuts, among other things. Perhaps loneliness is why some people visit the doctor regularly?).

It's a mess. Is this why some men grope women? Perhaps they should get a pet, if they can learn to pet it rather than ... - I don't want to think about it.

But they have done research to prove it's a thing, apparently NBA teams that touch more, win more. And these are guys who don't go around having sex in public.

Anyway the confusion surrounding touch, I think, contributes to loneliness. Although touch isn't helping those trapped at home lonely with COVID-19. I do know we all need each other and we all need to be needed and that can be expressed in so many ways - whether it is by being active politically or being part of an online community. There are other ways of sating loneliness.

These people who refuse to wear a face mask to prevent the spread of COVID19 would probably have no trouble with a complete ban on abortion. It's possible that you will find some people who don't want to wear a face mask and support abortion and vice versa but I suspect that the majority of these people would be anti face mask and anti abortion.

And no doubt even telling them to wear a mask causes them to issue death threats to those who advocate the wearing of face masks. Dr Fauci has now had to hire private security guards to protect him and his family from those who didn't like his message that people should wear a face mask.

What I find staggering is that they themselves may find it invasive to be told to wear a mask with complaints that it supposedly limits oxygen, although this is a myth that has been thoroughly debunked - yet will turn around and demand women not get an abortion; is there anything more invasive than demanding a woman completely inconvenience herself for an unwanted fetus? Women routinely die as a result of child birth - it is a dangerous process, although abortion is very much risk free despite their propaganda. While unsafe abortion regularly kills women.

Can you imagine if these people who refuse to wear face masks had to endure an unwanted pregnancy?

The irony is if the woman has an abortion 2 streets down it has no affect on you, the person demanding she doesn't have an abortion. If the woman doesn't wear a face mask it may kill you. Similarly, if you don't wear a face mask, you may kill her whether she has an abortion or not - and that should be negligent homicide.

Aren't we all sick to death of politics. I know I am sick of everything being turned into politics. Science is pretty much all political now and it's so boring.

Besides politics is broken. The two party system is really just a one party system and I mean that as: in a democracy people are elected to represent the best interests of the people but one party is only interested in representing themselves and some of the very rich.

A lot of rich people know that we are rich in our neighbor. By that I mean if my neighbor is rich they don't need to steal from me to survive, otherwise we are all living in poverty.

Nevertheless politics is nothing more than who can come up with the lowest common denominator slogans. Trump with his 'law and order' campaign - ffs.

It's so boring.

But the problem is real people are being hurt and dying while these assholes are playing with slogans and telling us lies. Republicans are gerrymandering districts to ensure they continue winning in states and the federal senate while telling us to die for the economy.

I am sure being subjected to violence is terrifying in the extreme. Wondering whether you will survive the assault, wondering if your body will still be okay afterwards, will this change your life forever? Wondering if the uncertainty of how much it'll hurt and the outcome must be extremely frightening.

But witnessing violence is also frightening because it makes you wonder what it'll be like when it's your turn.

Witnessing violence is traumatizing. Perhaps not as much as the victim but traumatizing nevertheless.

Whether that violence is witnessed in the home, at schools, on the streets, in the news, we are all affected.

So when George Floyd was murdered on the streets we are all traumatized. Perhaps we know we aren't likely to be the first victim of an attack, we know we will be in line somewhere behind. As the above poem so eloquently states they will come for me eventually.

So while you might think some group of people are the problem, they are not. Jews, Arabs, people of various groups, colors, religions, women, LGBTQ, witches, left, right... are not the problem. All groups have good and bad people and getting rid of a certain kind of person will not solve any problems despite what you are told because like the poem says, another group of people will become the problem and then another until eventually you become the problem to be eliminated. We all need each other and we all have so much in common, much much more than we are different from each other.

If you experienced violence at home or anywhere, it does not need to be perpetuated. If you feel like you need to be violent, seek help. Violence is not the answer.

Last night I sat here staring at this blank screen and wondered what to write so my husband today suggested something positive because things are bleak now for many of us. And I imagine for some very much more than others.

However as I cast about for inspiration last night I found this article about the real life case of Golding's 'Lord of the Flies'. A group of boys were marooned on an island in the Pacific for over a year and none of them died or killed each other, instead they cooperated, worked hard to survive and when one of them broke a leg, the group rescued and cared for him until he was better.

And while times were tough for these castaways when they argued they enforced strict time outs. But in all their story is about cooperation and friendship which allowed them to and gave them reason to survive.

There are many remarkable people on this planet doing extraordinarily courageous things for others, including mothers going through agony to give birth, who sacrifice their time, constantly put themselves last for the sake of their family... Somehow this is expected and seldom acknowledged - perhaps one day a year - perhaps.

Then there are the doctors and nurses working to save people's lives during this COVID-19 crisis, more than 200 dying in the world as a result to close contact with people sick with the virus.

It's too easy to focus on our differences and to hate those who we think don't belong in our camp. We see this so commonly with politics, when politics, imo, is meant to be nothing more than a public service, where politicians should only be motivated by the common good - not so, especially among republicans. But I have been unfriended, shouted at and blocked by Bernie Sanders supporters. The more vicious the attack I just assume they are Russian hackers trying to split the left so as a lefty I wouldn't be tempted to support Sander's if he won the nomination. And since this is how some Sander's supporters behave those who aren't Russian hackers want to belong to this group so they also engage in this behavior also; when in fact we all want the same thing, to end citizens united, single-payer quality healthcare for all, equal rights for everyone in this country and the world; and good quality free education at all levels for everyone. I also want quality services for all people regardless of where they live. I want to end debt slavery and a clean rich healthy environment that wildlife and humans need. We can do much better than we are.

And this is probably where our environment plays it's winning hand, it knows exactly how to shut us down. We humans think we are so clever, we don't think we need a clean healthy environment - this is rich old male hubris - and then we get COVID-19 and we all shut down. Well played mother nature, well played.

It is us that save the orphaned elephants and ostriches and allow them to be able to survive - together. It is us we need, we humans are pretty wonderful, full of kindness, courage and intelligence - and while mother nature may be winning this current round with COVID-19, we have evolved huge brains to figure out solutions and we will solve this. But mother nature only means to teach us a lesson. If she was done with us a nearby star would supernova and destroy us completely, something our big brains will never be able to save us from unless we have already left this solar system far behind.

But before I scuttle off, I would like to remind everyone of a quote from the guy who rescued those boys castaway on that Pacific island: “Life has taught me a great deal, ... including the lesson that you should always look for what is good and positive in people.”

We all need and depend on each other.

I was recently reading an article about COVID-19 being a disaster for women because women have to do most of the caring for the elderly and children. Indeed I find I have to provide more entertainment for the men in my circle of online acquaintances. People needing/expecting my attention and giving me little in return for it. In the end I find myself distancing myself from them because I find I just don't have the stamina to keep on giving when I know I will not receive any real benefit from giving so much of myself.

One woman said she needed space (time) to be creative but she had to communicate with a usually absent room mate because she felt obligated to pick up the slack. I felt her pain - I know I need time to prepare to write code and pursue my various creative activities.

Women form a fundamental glue by communicating with other members of society. Communication is essential to the nature of human existence - we need one another - but men, although they feel this, seldom if at all acknowledge it or those who provide this essential service, and then it's expected.

Like having babies and raising them - it's just expected - it's not an important service - IE to the economy - raising children is raising those that will inherit the economy and society. Those children will be taking care of you when you retire one day - yet women take those children and teach them language, teach them to dress, use the bathroom and manners. It is a vital service for our society. If men had to raise children there wouldn't be enough money to pay them to do so. Similarly if men provide the service of entertainment - they are paid way more to provide this service than women usually ever are. Look at late night talk show hosts - are any of them female? (I don't know - I seldom watch late night talk shows)

It is men who get to close the door on the rest of the world when they are finished communicating so they can then prepare to create something. This is why there are the Eulers, Descartes, Newtons, Fermats... men who felt the urge to think and write their ideas down. These men were infrequent enough, but they had that time because they didn't have to provide services expected from them like entertainment and child raring. And if a woman ever felt the urge to think and write her ideas down they were forgotten because we just expected it and forgot that they'd ever existed in the first place.

The coronavirus has highlighted how quickly our society becomes out of control, as demonstrated by the panic buying, of all things, toilet paper. Our peace is fragile. This is compounded by the republicans light-hand on the steering wheel when society needs most someone saying they have this under-control - when it is very clear republicans had no control over the situation at all.

Then we have the sterling example of Rand Paul (a doctor!??) who did his best to spread the coronavirus. Let that sink in for a moment.

These empty shelves very much remind me of those soviet era breadline photos. Capitalism out of control? Toilet paper is one thing nice and useful but what about the real stuff, the stuff we are going to eat, milk for instance?

Whenever I have asked libertarians why didn't countries like Iraq and Afghanistan become paradises when those countries lose their govts, they will mutter something about stability, but we saw recently how quickly things spun out of control in the US with the toilet paper lines in our supermarkets, perhaps it's merely a veneer of stability in our society? Anyway it was clear corporations weren't interested in setting up in Iraq had it's govt removed by the US and decades after Russia removed the govt in Afghanistan the place had devolved into misery.

While most of the time things are fine, we can ignore the existence of govt most of the time, depending on what you do, but for me, it only becomes important when my husband is preparing our tax returns, so for a few days of year the government is miserable, but then a drive down the Big Sur quickly reminds us how much we love the California govt anyway - after all the landslides, the California made the roads safe to use again. I didn't see signs from the huge corporate headquarters not too far from the Big Sur saying how they'd contributed to restoring those roads.

Sure the govt takes a share of our earnings but we get a lot more from the govt than we get from the other corporations we deal with on a much more annoying and constant basis, like our internet provider which is flaky with outages and substandard service. Yes we could ring about our broken router but we already know what their service department will tell us and we haven't even rung yet. And we know whose problem it really is.

We pay far more in corporate profits then we do in taxes. Corporations must make a profit, govts do not. Corporations make a profit at the expense of the customer and as a result our internet and telephone system is appalling in comparison to the socialists systems of Europe with much better internet and telephone equipment.

The problem with libertarianism is that it founded on wishful thinking and lies. They have no proof any of the garbage they rattle off has any truth, most of it has never been tested. It's nothing but spin to bolster profits of rich old men. An example of these lies is they want to dismantle the public education system because they think it's expensive and it'd be a way to bring down US property taxes, perhaps. So they say public schools deliver substandard education compared to private schools. But if you remove public schools that are supposedly bad then private schools will be bad anyway because they'll have nothing to be better than. However if you under fund public schools then they will be bad and this is one way republicans are trying to bring about the demise of public schools so they will get worse with a self-feeding cycle.

The thing about libertarians is they don't like people telling them what to do, but I don't see the govt telling me what to do. Freedom is a state-of-mind and happiness is found in our relationship/bonds to other people, within which our freedom is negotiated.

A society is only as good as how the poorest/weakest members are treated in that society. we have to admit that there are states in the US where the society is terrible. Places where it's unsafe for colored people and women to be in those communities.

I have never enrolled in an MBA so I am going out on a limb here when I say that I think MBA thinking is causing many of our problems.

MBA graduates are welcomed by most businesses so they can optimize profits by steering from quarterly business report to quarterly business report by minimizing expenses and maximizing revenue without thought for the ramifications of immediate actions or long term consequences.

For instance, sacking staff to reduce the expense of their salary and leaving a skeleton staff to perform all the work. This might work in the short term, but the existing staff quickly become overworked and possibly sick. Those staff are turned over and replaced as necessary by cheaper staff. There is no loyalty to staff, except possibly those at the top.

Great for short term profits and that's all that matters, to them. The functioning of the business is still going on as best as possible but the business might eventually be sold off or just die and that fits with MBA Darwinian thinking. Survival of the fittest and being cut-throat is all included in MBA business thinking.

We especially see this in how they manage their waste. They just dump it away from anyone who might matter. They grease palms of politicians rather than clean up after themselves. The greasing of palms is more than hobnobbing in the right circles, boys meeting up over drinks, at business meetings all around the world, desirable and enjoyable for those who participate. This might be put down to the cost of doing business, rather than an expense per se, and explained as future savings (or Orwellian doublethink).

That might be great for the business in question but then many businesses are avoiding dealing with their waste it becomes a serious burden to the environment, other humans and other living creatures trying to survive in the waste, and we aren't even talking about CO2 or other greenhouse gases, as much as the MBA graduate might wish us to just not use that term and deny their existence.

But there are corollaries to the MBA thinking, the lawyer blame game - which is preventing Japan from cleaning up the mess of Fukushima. Lawyers for the nuclear power plant are blaming the nuclear power plant manufacturer for the disaster as they play pingpong with legal documents - and still no one has done anything about the disaster. Lawyers are very efficient at playing such delay games and meanwhile we moved on, for most of us it has been forgotten.

Then there is the skill of avoiding responsibility by letting businesses go bankrupt (some that cause massive damage to the environment and the water supply). This is the game Donald Trump loves to play; and Gary Southern tried to play, but at least he got a wrist slap, unlike Rick Snyder. I still can't see what benefit Snyder got from switching the water intake to the polluted source in Michigan. Perhaps hoping the people would drink the pollution rather than let it get into the lake? I don't know, but it seems unlikely.

The only certain loser in MBA thinking are people and the environment; and until we start putting ourselves and our home, this planet, our earth, over profit margins, we will continue to lose and while pollution is kept well out of sight of the rich and powerful, eventually this will hurt them as well. As I read someone say once, when all the water has been polluted, we won't be able to drink oil.

MBA thinking will eventually destroy the very thing it's seeking to protect. Even the world bank is saying pollution is hurting economic growth. One of the universal laws of the universe is everything is recycled. The universe recycles everything, our environment recycles everything, eventually. I don't think our society will be stable until recycling is incorporated into all of our business models. Because our model at the moment is dig it up, use it for a limited amount of time and then throw it away. While we are watching much evolution in technology, we aren't seeing anything sustainable - and while MBAs are probably rubbing their hands with glee at the thought of continuous profit margins, we and our environment is groaning under the weight of them.

This includes the sugars that are included into many of our foods. They are added so we want to eat it and want more of it, despite it causing obesity, tooth decay, diabetes and possibly even Alzheimer's.

MBA thinking is killing us. Profits uber alles.